Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Day Four: “You become what you think about all day long.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think I figured something out. I don't eat my feelings, I eat for them.

While I was ironing my work pants this morning I started thinking about how I used to have to iron my attire in an almost military fashion every morning.  This is going back a few years, but the train of thought led me think more about that professional lifestyle, with a uniform standard crisp suit, compulsory pearls and specific shade of lipstick to be worn every day from nine to five and often longer.

The job was hard, and I think in many ways I formed a habit for seeking out richness and vibrancy in every other aspect of my life. I've always been led by my emotions, with rational thought clumsily following suit on rare occasion, but working in a job where your own emotions are repressed seems to have only accentuated my tunnel vision for things that made me feel good, and a community of people that chased similar highs.

I don't know if there's anything inherently wrong with desiring fulfilment or abundance, but I guess it's only now, after experimenting with this restriction of some of the things that I love (ie. donuts and pizza shapes) that I am beginning to understand that there is also a beauty in appreciating things the way they are. Whether it be a lull in your energy, or difficulty in your personal relationships, or food that doesn't make you high, perhaps it's worth paying attention to the genuine nature of those feelings.

Perhaps this is a doorway into self-acceptance. Looking into my relationship with food might show that I have an emotional need for expression rather than an emotional need to eat more pies.

I feel good about day four.

For all my mates also doing the challenge who are wondering about my dietary particulars, I've checked out to see how my meal plans are faring. It's recommending a 1200 calorie diet, with 150g carbs, 40g fat and 60g protein but I'm not religiously sticking to it because I think it might be a bit low for the amount of exercise that I'm doing. I'm finally feeling less lethargic after the initial energy drop, which might be due to Spirulina supplements or the fact that my body is used to not being totally off chops with caffeine.

Todays lunch. I feel like a giant wanker with the Mason Jar salad but they are pretty damn easy to take to work and chill, so whatever. And really, what even is celery without peanut butter.  

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